“You seem like such a normal, together person”
Do I though?
You’ve known me for a week.
You don’t know what’s underneath my bubbly smile and laugh.
You haven’t seen me at my worst.
You know the girl who can joke about herself.
The girl who smiles at herself in the mirror when she knows she looks on point.
The girl who can go up and talk to anyone.
I was not that girl two years ago.
Maybe I won’t be the same girl in two years.
You never saw the tears,
rolling down my cheeks,
full of secrets I’ll never tell.
You never saw me
through the stumbles and the stutters;
the awkward teenage years.
And not in the cutesy awkward way,
like the kind that’s portrayed
in books and movies and TV shows.
But the actually
You never knew the thoughts that ran through my brain
like tornados and hurricanes
Tore me apart so often,
I just gave up
putting myself back together.
You never knew how close I was
to turning that semi-colon into a period.
Not many people know.
And why should they?
What do I owe them?
I’m sorry, you have to be a level 4 friend
to unlock my tragic backstory.
Well, I guess now you do know.
You know that if it hadn’t gotten better
If I hadn’t gotten my shit together,
I might not be here,
But I’ll just laugh it off,
“Yeah, I just have good make up.”
Performed at Raise the Bar on January 27, this poem is about how first impressions may be incorrect and how there is so much strangers don’t know about you.
This poem has been originally published on Loe&Behold on 15/03/2016 here.